I know what it is like to be uncomfortable in my own skin. I also know what it is like to wrestle with my desires and yet still have a fondness for them at the same time. In fact, I don't know of a single person who hasn't had some kind of struggle with identity and desire on some level.
In her ground-breaking book, Gay and Catholic, Eve Tushnet has given me a peek into what it is like to be gay. But, even more importantly, she has given me insights into what it is like to be gay and Catholic at the same time and the implications of being both.
I work with sex-addicts and those struggling with pornography, in my work in campus ministry (just to be clear, I am not equating sex-addiction and being gay). I certainly don't have all the answers for these young people I work with, but I have learned this in 12+ years of my work - God still loves us all, even through the times we don't love ourselves or God. I have also learned God's love isn't just for those that have all the doctrines straight. He doesn't just love those who are pious or know how to pray 500 different novenas. God doesn't just love those we are comfortable with. The truth is God is extravagant with His love and if we are called to be more like God, so are we!
Tushnet's book helped me see a blindspot in my call to love others. Too often I subconsciously write off many who identify as gay as opponents rather than brothers and sisters who have their very being stamped with God's own heart. Too often I want to put those who are gay in a safe box, where I can either dismiss their ideas or deomonize their views about morality and God. This is, in part, because I don't relate to a same-sex attraction. It is completely foreign to me.
But, I certainly understand the desire to love and be loved. We are maded by love itself, out of love, for love, and in order to love! I am made to love others. You are made to love others. We are made to be loved! Furthermore, we are supposed to love those we are attracted to. In fact, our sexuality is made to be a reflection of this love. This is where the hiccup comes in. We are all sexual beings. We cannot escape this reality, even if we want to sometimes. As a married man, I am called by God to love my wife in every way, included sexually.
Yet, the Catholic Church (and most cultures through history) has limited moral sexual expressions of love to marriage between one man and one woman. For those who are gay, this is a particular issue. Because the Church says you sin if you express your love for someone sexually and you are not married to them. This tension is very real and too often I have dismissed it.
While reading Gay and Catholic, it dawned on me why so many of those who are gay reject the Catholic idea of sexuality. They really do understand they are called to love others. Yet in a culture which clearly identifies love first and foremost with sex, why would they give the Catholic Church a second look? Tushnet tells us why - because it is a beautiful, fulfilling, and life-giving way of living close to the one who made us to love.
Tushnet teaches that being gay and Catholic doesn't always have to be about what you are giving up. In fact, is is much more about what can be gained in a relationship with Jesus and His Church. in Fact, we all have to give something up to follow our Lord. I certainly did.
I want to say "thank you" to Eve Tushnet. Thank you for your honest and beautiful story of how God reached down and touched your life. In telling your story, you have helped me see a gap in my own walk with God. I really do want to work harder at seeing individuals as individuals who have something unique and wonderful to teach me. I will work on loving better and being OK with the process of conversion, no matter how many ups and downs it takes.
Finally, I really want to be someone who loves like our God does - extravagantly. Someone who isn't afraid to speak truth, but to be bold in reaching out to those who are hurting. Someone who can hold the goodness of Catholicism in one hand and balance it with the understanding that all people are part of God's plan to teach me how to love.
As you can tell, I really liked it. So, go buy it!
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**This post is part of the Gay and Catholic book club on Patheos.**
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NOTE - I know there is a discussion in Catholic circles about the language surrounding "gay", "same-sex attraction", etc. I am using gay in this post for the purposes of having consistent language with Tushnet.
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