tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post8105685560542566300..comments2023-10-07T09:34:47.507-05:00Comments on Aggie Catholics: What is Wrong With Porn?Marcelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18121158394600137195noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-64457676245754757872014-05-20T14:30:38.006-05:002014-05-20T14:30:38.006-05:00 I surrendered everything to God, my alcahol, drug... I surrendered everything to God, my alcahol, drugs, gambling, and turned to the rosary.by the Grace of God I have been clean 6 years. I go to Mass everyday and spend as much time as I can in the blessed Sacrament. The Rosary is a very strong tool.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08515988499471482045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-60649166394731782652014-05-17T19:59:01.529-05:002014-05-17T19:59:01.529-05:00Ned, I am a porn addict, and I have gotten some so...Ned, I am a porn addict, and I have gotten some sobriety by the grace of God through SA. I have seen and heard a lot of talk about whether or not to tell spouses. My experience has been one of total honesty with my wife, and our marriage is better now than it has ever been. However, she goes to S-Anon and "works her program" very well. She can sympathize with the behavior patterns of an addict because she struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager. However, I have also heard many horror stories about complete disclosure. Ultimately, the honesty is a great thing, but it may take time, therapy, and a lot of communication to get there. The general rule in SA is not to say anything right away. Get some sobriety first, start working the steps (it is a 12-step program based on AA), and talk it over with sponsor and counselor. I invite anyone who thinks he or she (yes, I know women addicts as well) may be addicted to porn or any form of sex to SA. Look us up, find a meeting, and just go. Introduce yourself as a newcomer, listen during the meeting, and talk to someone afterwards.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-70540036237898611272012-06-20T09:41:34.215-05:002012-06-20T09:41:34.215-05:00Imagine the hurt if you don't tell her? Yes, y...Imagine the hurt if you don't tell her? Yes, you need to be honest with your wife.Marcelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18121158394600137195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-29424140537314726932012-06-17T13:44:37.680-05:002012-06-17T13:44:37.680-05:00Should I tell my spouse if I have been using porno...Should I tell my spouse if I have been using pornography?<br /><br />One of the issues with husbands or wives, who have been using internet pornography is that when they discover that internet porn is damaging to them or their sex life or to their walk with God...or all of the above then they want to get clean and come clean. Good idea? <br /><br />Years ago when I discovered that I had a problem with internet pornography my response to this was to develop and use a pornography filter which eventually turned into Wisechoice Internet Filtering or www.wisechoice.net. I had no intention of telling my wife or anybody else that I had been involved with pornography. Was this the right way to handle things?<br /><br />About two years later I realized that I was going to have to start telling my own story about my use of porn and what it had meant. I didn’t want my wife to find out about it on the radio or online so I decided to tell her. I was sure that she was going to be pleased about my story and how I had put a wall around myself and it had led to a new business. Man! Was I wrong.<br /><br />She was devastated! Hurt, Furious! It blew my mind; after all I was being honest and transparent.<br /><br />It was then that I began to understand the impact that porn has on our wives. To me it was simply a filthy habit that involved artificial people on a screen. But to her it was adultery-straight up infidelity! What was wrong with her that she was not enough? Was she ugly? What was she failing at that I HAD to look at other women. Forgiveness did not come quickly or easily. In fact, to this day, twelve years later, it is a subject that we avoid. It is a place of mistrust toward me that has never healed.<br /><br />About a year ago I saw it again, I was on a trip to the West Coast and young guy came to me and told me that he was struggling with internet porn. Worse yet, he had confessed to his wife that he had been doing it in the belief that she would help him resist it. Bad idea! She kicked him out of the house and has informed him that she is filing for divorce. No discussion, no counseling….divorce!<br /><br />So, what to do? First, put a wall around you with a good filter, then find a friend who will be your accountability partner and set up accountability reporting so that he can watch where you are surfing,. Our reporting system will actually text the partner if you are trying to get into blocked sites. You don’t want your friend awakened at 3am because you are surfing for porn! Beyond that, I don’t think it is a good idea to talk about it with your wife unless it is already known. If she has already found out and you are still alive then you can even make her the accountability partner. But if the subject has not come up then I suggest that you put a wall around you to stop you from going to the porn sites and leave your wife out of it….<br /><br />This is one area that complete transparency between husband and wife can be insanely hurtful…..<br /><br />Do you agree?Ned Dominick- The Home Inspectorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09802031784745775123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-49984186316988070002008-02-04T09:43:00.000-06:002008-02-04T09:43:00.000-06:00I work for a company called Covenant Eyes and we p...I work for a company called Covenant Eyes and we produce accountability software for personal computers. It has helped tens of thousands of people avoid temptation and addiction to pornography. I highly recommend it for those who are struggling.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10930815498399810932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-65787181971386824632008-01-22T21:04:00.000-06:002008-01-22T21:04:00.000-06:00Thank you Marcel. I think I missed #13 when I comm...Thank you Marcel. I think I missed #13 when I commented as it is very sound advice. Not that the others aren't. Addictions have many layers.Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02045801745534184703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-57901450812299353352008-01-22T18:58:00.000-06:002008-01-22T18:58:00.000-06:00HOPE - BTW, I am not discounted what you wrote, ju...HOPE - BTW, I am not discounted what you wrote, just that I understand where you are coming from. I will keep you in my prayers. May your recovery and management of your addiction be a time of grace and growth.Marcelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18121158394600137195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-75799889447091306582008-01-22T18:56:00.000-06:002008-01-22T18:56:00.000-06:00I have read Carnes and studied the issue from othe...I have read Carnes and studied the issue from other viewpoints as well. I know that Carnes is the father of sex addiction studies, but he isn't the only one out there.<BR/><BR/>Many of the young adults we see who are struggling with porn are not "addicts" yet, though from the data, there is no concrete definition that all agree upon on how to define an addict. <BR/><BR/>I ran a support group for sex addicts and have been through several training sessions on sex addictions with professionals in the field, so I know just how difficult it is. That is why the #13 says:<BR/>"If you feel that despite your best efforts, you are unable to stop viewing pornography, seek help from a mental health professional who specializes in addiction. He or she will be able to help you determine whether or not the behavior is an addiction, and will help you get the tools you need to conquer it. (See the back of this brochure for recommendations about where to call for help)."Marcelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18121158394600137195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-55582391035408389332008-01-22T17:13:00.000-06:002008-01-22T17:13:00.000-06:00Addictions of any kind are trying to fill a void. ...Addictions of any kind are trying to fill a void. They are a coping method to deal with other issues. And until that is addressed, while the rest of your suggestions are good, progress may be minimal.<BR/><BR/>I recommend Patrick Carnes books.<BR/><BR/>I say all this as someone who has 14 months abstinence from sexual addiction which included porn.Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02045801745534184703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-67316934384704671992008-01-16T08:49:00.000-06:002008-01-16T08:49:00.000-06:00The point isn't that the ontological reality is ch...The point isn't that the ontological reality is changed, but rather the way we treat others (or ourselves) is less than human in that the "other" becomes inconsequential.Marcelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18121158394600137195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-56463053280542650032008-01-16T07:20:00.000-06:002008-01-16T07:20:00.000-06:00"It makes humans less than human."As long as we ar..."It makes humans less than human."<BR/>As long as we are alive we will always be 100% human.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5094967570243723764.post-18294209368356817922008-01-15T18:01:00.000-06:002008-01-15T18:01:00.000-06:00Excellent post! I wholeheartedly agree with everyt...Excellent post! I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. Porn is a terrible, destructive thing. It's lust, pure and simple. And nothing good ever comes from lust.ALRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16245816719729781635noreply@blogger.com