Tuesday, February 10, 2009

How to Mess Up Your Job

This story of how one executive messed up a key relationship with a huge client (FedEx) by making a nasty remark about Memphis on Twitter can teach us all something about technology and how we use it. Discretion is still a smart way to go. I should know. I haven't messed up in a major way (yet), but I have stepped on some toes via the internet and technology. These include accidentally sending emails to people that should not have gotten them and not being prudent in what I post on the blog (having to later delete posts).

But, thinking about this story spurred me to make the list below of how to mess up your job. This is first and foremost for our college students, but applies to us all.

If you would like to mess up your career (and get fired) - then do the following:

1 - Learn to use "like", "you know", or any acronym used in texting (e.g. - lol, OMG, bff, etc.) as if they were the most popular English words you had available.

2 - Write very informal emails to those you work for. Start with "hey ____" or just don't capitalize or use any punctuation.

3 - Continue to forward chain emails that contain urban legends or secrets that the media could never find out.

4 - Gossip. As much as possible.

5 - Be negative about your superiors, those who work for you, or the job in general. All the time.

6 - Always be the first to take a break. Extend the break as long as possible.

7 - Look at porn at work. (or anywhere else for that matter.).

8 - See a problem. Ignore the problem. Be a part of the problem.

9 - Never be on time. Never show you are reliable. Call in sick when you really aren't but don't feel like working. Leaving early helps as well.

10 - Pay your bills, bid on Ebay, do all your personal errands - from work.

11 - Argue with someone in front of others. Even better if you embarrass them in public.

12 - Don't take the blame for anything. Take all the credit for the good though.

13 - Tell jokes that are sure to get a laugh - and offend.

14 - Date someone you work with. When things go bad - make sure the break-up is ugly.

15 - Party hard. Come to work hungover. Liquid lunches. The more the better.

16 - Spend company money on personal things. A little stealing never hurt anyone.

17 - Lie about yourself on your resume' or application. A little embellishment.

Now that you know how to get fired and mess up your career. Start practicing now. Additions to this list are welcome.

1 comment:

Niall Mor said...

18. Complain loudly about how much you dislike/hate the job as often as possible.

19. Drag your feet and avoid doing the parts of your job you don't like for as long as possible.

20. Be sure to be seen doing nothing or otherwise avoiding work when your boss or co-workers walk by. They really like this!