Thursday, February 12, 2009

How To Mess Up A Marriage

After posting "How to Mess Up Your Job" I decided that I would do another "How To Mess Up" list and offer:

How To Mess Up A Marriage
  1. Have Premarital Sex - This can be with your future spouse or not. Regardless, the statistics show that it means a much higher chance of a failed marriage.
  2. Cohabitate - This doubles your chance of divorcing your spouse well over 60%! Go with this one if you almost certainly want to mess up a marriage.
  3. Cheat on your spouse - This can be with a real person or with porn. Either messes up a marriage.
  4. Drink too much or use drugs - This one is a great way to love a thing more than your spouse.
  5. Marry a non-Christian - Now, there are certainly marriages that succeed between believers and non-believers, but at the least you are putting a big strain on a relationship.
  6. Marry for the wrong reasons - Marrying someone because you have strong emotions about them (which will eventually go away) or because they are good looking (which won't last) is a great way to eventually ruin a marriage.
  7. Never Work on Communication - talking is over-rated. You should just learn to tolerate one another, not really communicate.
  8. Be a Workaholic - being rich and successful is the most important thing on earth. Right?
  9. Be selfish - expect your spouse to serve your every need and never expect to return the favor.
  10. Have Different expectations about money or debt - Spend too much, live beyond your means, and then pay the price. Money is the #1 reason that couples argue.
  11. Don't tithe - The money is your own, do what you want with it.
  12. Use contraception - kids are a burden that make life miserable. Why take the risk? Of course couples that use NFP are happier, have better sex-lives, and stay married more than 95% of the time.
Note that this list is not exhaustive. You could be inventive and come up with another way to mess up a marriage. If you have one, let me know.

7 comments:

Kevin said...

Okay, clear this one up for me. If money is the #1 reason that married couples argue, then wouldn't it make more sense to have 10% more of it? Not tithing gives you more money, and less reason to argue.

Or, if #10 is really about managing expectations about the money you have rather than increasing the amount of money you have, wouldn't it be better to find a job that pays 10% less but gives you more time with your family (#8)?

Kevin said...

Oh, and #12 seems a bit disingenuous. After all, using contraception usually doesn't mean never having kids. It can mean spacing kids, just like NFP. The end result can be the same -- it's just that the methods are different.

If the point is about NFP versus medical contraception, then perhaps the pithy bit should be about why people who use contraception are unhappy, have lousy sex lives, and almost always get divorced; instead of the idea that they hate kids.

Marcel said...

The couples that are arguing about money rarely tithe, so they already have 100% of it.

The point of it all is that making a god out of money or not having a proper perspective about it (which tithing provides) creates the problems.

Marcel said...

Ends don't justify the means with contraception. Contraception is the only "medicine" given that messes up the natural order of the body, rather than returning the body to a healthy functioning order.

Keith said...

13. Belittle your spouse when you are both in an intimate setting of friends(like a marriage group) or when your spouse is not around (like during a guys'/girls' night out).

Marcel said...

Keith - Not known from first-hand experience, I am sure.

How about these:

-Make big purchases without talking about them first.

-Spending inordinate amounts of time "out with the guys".

EbethW said...

Marcel, yep! and then some, but it's good to keep going over this. I have some stats at my blog, Climbing the Pillars. http://acatholicmumclimbingthepillars.blogspot.com/2008/06/cohabitation-recipe-for-marital-ruin.html

Blessing and WHooP!!