Monday, October 13, 2008


Q - I know the church teaches abstinence and chastity until marriage, but where can I read more about what the definition of chastity and what boundaries are necessary to have a relationship that pleases and glorifies God?

A -
Great question, thanks. You are certainly on the right track. You have the right goal in mind in order to be able to do what is best - please and glorify God!

I know this is difficult, because the body aches to be close to other human beings and it feels so right and good. But, the Church teaches that we are to wait for this physical intimacy. It is difficult to put the two together.

Here is what I suggest.
First - pray deeply about it. Really invite God into your sexuality.

Second, learn as much as you can about the Church's teachings in this area. The theology of the body is a good place to start. I suggest you read "Good News About Sex and Marriage" by Christopher West as the first book in this area.

Third, find a good priest or spiritual director who can direct you in this are. Don't settle for someone that won't challenge you though.

Fourth, if you are in a relationship, talk plainly about how far is too far and draw CLEAR lines that you will not cross. Then don't cross them. If you do, the line will continue to be pushed back until you go farther than you originally intended. The simplest answer I can give is this - if it would be foreplay to sex in marriage, then it is not proper to a dating or engaged relationship.

For a longer answer to this question - Click here to read the answer I wrote to the question "how far is too far?"

I will keep you in my prayers.

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